Read this before you post your next selfie

Do you remember a time when the word “selfie” didn’t exist? It wasn’t that long ago. Before Kim Kardashian’s heavily contoured ego and a little thing called Instagram started the selfie revolution, we were all blissfully ignorant of every little detail of each other’s faces. There’s a lot more to life than your own face, so why not turn the camera the other way around for once?

Selfies. They are everywhere. Celebrities do it, you do it, and even your dog is getting into the phenomena of selfies.  Using your phone to share not only what you are doing but to insert yourself into the action is a very common thing to do these days.  Now, instead of just sharing a picture of something you see, your phone gives you the ability to put yourself in there to make that picture more important.

The Internet is inundated with selfies. Everyone from your next-door neighbor to the Kardashians, to the President of The United States is taking selfies. We even saw one taken at the Oscars.

Ok, let’s get controversial now.  Selfies suck.  They suck badly. I have never fully understood the point of “selfies”” If you want to see yourself, look in a mirror. There is a pathetic air to most selfies since they essentially say, “I wish I had friends to take my picture, but I don’t.”

Selfies began with the digital camera but people would often mistakenly tilt the camera so only half their head made it into the shot. They’d shoot a photo, review it, shoot another, then another, until finally they got the hang of it. Next thing you know you are taking pictures of yourself 24/7. Now most smartphones have a forward-facing camera to make these snaps simple. The shots can then be easily posted instantly to Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, and Instagram. And don’t forget Snapchat.

Because of this insane issue with everyone and their grandmothers (literally) taking a selfie, here are a few reasons why you should stop, now.

No one cares. I know. It’s hard to believe. But it’s true. You may be beautiful, but there’s literally no one in the world that needs to see pictures of your face from 12 different angles. No one.

Your cleavage is never an accident, but nice try. Bonus points if you’re leaning forward, or blatantly pushing your boobs together with your arms.

You will lose followers. Unless you’re taking selfies in constantly changing locations (in an elevator one minute, next to a tiger the next), then your face is not enough to keep people interested. And let’s be honest — you’re in your bedroom.

The filters are a lie. You may have figured out that your skin looks flawless every time if you use Valencia, but you can’t filter yourself IRL. Using filters is the equivalent of magazines Photo shopping pictures until they don’t even look human anymore. What’s the point?

You did not #WakeUpLikeThat. The jig is up.

You’re missing out on worthy photo-ops because you’re too busy striking your best pose. Seriously, you’re giant mug is blocking the sunset. Get out of the frame.

They make you seem self-absorbed. Loving yourself is awesome, and necessary. But if you think people care about the subtle differences between your Monday makeup and Wednesday makeup, you’re delusional.

Your duck face is going to get you mocked. Do you really want to see yourself in a slideshow of the most ridiculous selfies? Is that what it’s going to take to get through to you? Don’t let it come to that. You’ll regret it.

You should be embarrassed if you do this in public. If you ask someone, they would gladly take a normal picture of you that doesn’t cut you off at the shoulders. You’re more than a floating head, but all those close up shots of your face are starting to suggest otherwise.

On the other hand, of your one who will never give up the selfie, below will tell you why they are just that addicting.

Because people are more interesting than simple scenery.

What is the point of looking at pretty scenery without a person? I’m far more interested in looking at your gorgeous face, your unique bone structure and your exquisite eyes than I am in looking at a monument I can Google search a better pic of anyway.

Because you don’t want to waste your amazing outfit.

I don’t want to waste this awesome outfit I have creatively and expertly put together on this fine day. What good is this stellar outfit if no one f*cking sees it?

Let’s get real: I didn’t spend $150 on this amazing dress for no compliments/validation. Keep ‘em coming.

Lets be real, because it’s the modern day scrapbook.

By documenting my pictures daily, I’m bringing back the art of scrapbooking (in the most modern of ways, using my smartphone).

Because it’s the modern day scrapbook.

By documenting my pictures daily, I’m bringing back the art of scrapbooking (in the most modern of ways, using my smartphone).

Because not all selfies have to be pretty.

You know what, haters? Not all selfies are to display how “pretty” we looked that day.

A lot of times I take a selfie because I’m acutely astounded at how horrific I look or how funny that zit on my forehead looks or to make a sad friend laugh at my puffy face after a night of drinking.

Because I don’t need another person to make a memory.

Most nude selfies are self shot, which I find fabulously liberating. By posting a picture of yourself alone, you’re declaring to the entire world at large that you don’t require an additional entity to secure a fond memory.

Because they are memories for my older self.

That’s right. I’m unabashedly in LOVE with my life, and I want photo f*cking documentation.

Hope this helped for your next selfie.